


It’s what you worry for

by CanidSeraph



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), I am tired, I stayed up till 3:30 writing this, I’m a soft bitch, M/M, her name is Rosie, possible projection, she is a very good girl, they have a dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23357605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanidSeraph/pseuds/CanidSeraph
Summary: EXCERPT-Crowley had noticed some things about Aziraphale that were... concerning.They had become more apparent since they moved into their cottage. Maybe it was just the close quarters? They weren’t used to being near each other for so long, and, pleasant as it was, it was a big adjustment.But that didn’t stop Crowley from worrying.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 98





	It’s what you worry for

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This is my first published fic, hope you enjoy it. If it weren’t like super early in the morning this would be way better. Anyways, Good Omens has stolen a hunk of my heart and I’ve become a better person because of it. The title is from Blurry Eyed Worries by Bronze Radio Return!

Crowley had noticed some things about Aziraphale that were... concerning.

They had become more apparent since they moved into their cottage. Maybe it was just the close quarters? They weren’t used to being near each other for so long, and, pleasant as it was, it was a big adjustment.

But that didn’t stop Crowley from worrying.

On multiple occasions, Crowley had caught Aziraphale just staring out the window from the living room. Occasionally, he would be stroking their mongrel dog, Rosie, his fingers pausing every so often as they passed through her soft brindle fur. His expression was somewhat mournful, if not guilty. 

He’d snap out of it after a few minutes, or when he heard a sudden sound, or when Rosie would lift her head up from his lap and lick his face, or his hand. 

Crowley was unsure of how to talk about it. On one hand, he was desperate to know what was wrong with his husband. On the other hand, he didn’t want to upset him further. What if the angel was triggered by something he said? What if he accidentally caused a fight? What if the truth could hurt them both?

Aziraphale, meanwhile, was okay.

Completely alright.

Not at all distressed..

He’d dealt with these... feelings before. He’d worked hard to make a box to shove all of his issues in. Sure, the box was shrinking and it hurt like fuck to keep it in there, but it was better than finally dealing with it.

Besides, this was fine! Everybody looks outside and zones out while replaying emotionally scarring moments in their head, right? And people tend to starve themselves because they don’t feel worthy of food, if Aziraphale  lied to himself  remembered right. This was all fine! Besides, after a few thousand years of emotional neglect and abuse, the sting of accepting your love and acceptance in your social group is conditional and based solely on your performance as an employee and that, as a being, you are unwanted and wholly, utterly replaceable and forgettable at a moment’s notice. Everything was fine!

It was not fine.

Aziraphale was, well, sick. Quite sick, in fact. Not the “deranged bear” sick, the kind of sick that a person with depression is, the sick where sometimes you just want to sleep forever and for it all to be over. That kind of sick.

But he wasn’t going to admit it.

No way.

But it had to reach a boiling point. All things do.

Aziraphale was crying in the corner of his shop, alone. 

He had his wings out, protectively covering himself. The tears stung like their words did. 

_“Nobody cares about your books, Aziraphale. They’re useless.”_

_ “You’re not supposed to do that, Aziraphale, only bad angels do that.”  _

_ _

_ “You’re a bitch, Aziraphale, all you do is talk about those stupid little things you like.”  _

_ “I don’t know how anybody can stand you.”  _

_ “You’re unlovable.” _

“You’re broken, a defect.”

_ “You what you are? Truly stupid. You know how I know? Because the most pointless, useless shit, you know everything about, but what you actually need to know, you don’t. That is true stupidity.”  _

_ “Just shut up, okay, you talk too much.”  _

_ “Quit using your hands when you talk, it’s distracting.” _

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale choked, his voice soft yet pained. “I’m so sorry, I just want to help. I’m trying, I really am. Please.”

A soft nudge to the palm of his hand startled him back to the present. Upon looking down, Rosie was nuzzling his hand with her damp, leathery nose.

“Hello, dear girl,” Aziraphale said. His voice was slightly hoarse. “How are you?”

Rosie whimpered. Her expression could pass for concern. 

Aziraphale sighed. “I really am fine, Rosie.”

Aziraphale got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. The tile was cold on his bare feet. 

_Do you regret it?_ a voice asked in the back of his head. All of those long years, sinning? Aziraphale furrowed his brow. No. You don’t. The angel tightened his grip on his mug. 

_ Because you’re a bad angel. _

_ Don’t deny it. _

Aziraphale set his mug on the counter. “I am not.”

_ Yes you are.  _

_ No wonder she doesn’t love you. _

“ I am not-“

Arms wrapped around his middle, squeezing gently. Crowley’s face pressed against the side of his neck. Aziraphale froze.

“Crowley, sweetheart, wha-“

“I’ve seen you.” Crowley murmured into his neck

The angel blinked.

“I can see it now. You’re hurting. Please just admit it. Please just let me help you.”

Crowley turned the Principality to face him, taking Aziraphale’s hands in his. Both of their eyes were glistening. “I know it’s scary, angel. I know, trust me. Please let me help you. I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t stand seeing you hurt like this.” Crowley took a shaky breath. “You don’t need to suffer. You don’t need to atone. Let me help you heal.”

Crowley pulled the angel into a gentle hug. After a second, Aziraphale’s began to cry. Crowley held him tight and gently soothed him.

“Crowley?” The angel whispered after a minute.

“Yeah?”

“Why aren’t I enough?”

Crowley all but reeled backwards. “What the-where on Earth is this coming from?”

“They said it,” Aziraphale whimpered. “They always said it. I don’t deserve nice things, I’m a bad angel. I’m replaceable. There’s thousands of Principalities, not to mention the Powers or Dominions they could just send down here. The Host is enormous, Crowley. I am quite literally more replaceable than a TV remote battery.”

Crowley clutched onto Aziraphale even tighter. “You most certainly _fucking aren’t._ There is only one Aziraphale, and he is the sweetest, most fun, lovable being I have ever met, and he is my _husband._ People don’t get to just say shit like that about my husband. You are so, so important, dove. You’re my angel. You are irreplaceable. You are, you-you are _lovely._ ”

Aziraphale hiccuped. “I am not.”

”How? I don’t see how you can’t be.”

”I’m fat. I’m not pretty. I’m outdated, I’m not good at following rules, I’m different. I am bad, Crowley, and not only that, I am broken. You shouldn’t love broken things.” The angel spat every word out like it was venom.

For a second, Crowley was in shock. He was... suspecting of the idea that Aziraphale’s self-image wasn’t that great, but he never expected _that.  
  
_

Crowley let go of Aziraphale and pulled away from the hug. He looked Aziraphale dead in the eyes and cupped his cheeks.

”Aziraphale,” Crowley said seriously. “Listen to me. What I’m about to say is absolutely, purely, what I think about you. ‘Kay?”

Aziraphale nodded.

”Aziraphale, you are beautiful. You are plush, and you are soft, and you are beautiful. You are not bad. You know how I know? I’ve seen you. I’ve watched you help so many people. The only times you did wrong? Lying to me about Adam? Causing bad things to happen to those who opposed her? That’s because of them. You lied because you trusted God to do something, and when you realized She wasn’t? You _went to me. Immediately._ They made you cause harm. You never wanted to do that. Never. You are _not broken._ Broken things don’t act like you do. You know how you act? You act kind. You act gentle, and tender and caring and loving. _You act like an angel. You are the only good one she made._ **You are the only one of them who isn’t broken, dove.”**

Aziraphale was sobbing violently now. Crowley was clutching him to his chest, not caring one bit about the tears soaking his shirt. He kissed the top of the angel’s head, and brought forth his inky black wings to mantle Aziraphale. “I love you,” Crowley whispered through a few tears of his own.   
  


Once the angel’s tears subsided, he looked up at Crowley. “You really meant that? All of it?”

The demon smiled. “All of it.”

Aziraphale stood up to press his forehead against Crowley’s. “Thank you, for-for that. I needed it.”

”Anytime,” said Crowley. He gave Aziraphale a quick, tender kiss. “Would you like to go to bed now?”

Aziraphale smiled. “That sounds nice.”

They stood like that for a while, simply soaking up the other’s presence. Suddenly, a yelp sounded from the living room, followed by a thud. The two broke apart and dashed to the living room to see what happened.   
  
“For Satan’s sake,” Crowley sighed exasperatedly as he and Aziraphale approached their startled, rudely awakened dog. “Rosie, I’ve told you, if you fall asleep on the ottoman, you’re going to end up falling on the floor.”

Aziraphale reaches down and picked up the plush-coated mutt. “Maybe she could sleep in bed instead?”

“Angel, I have told you, she will shed-“

The dog tilted her head, her right ear flopping adorably.

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “Alright, fine. _But just this once, you hear?_ ” 

It ended up not being just this once.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I have 2 original works I’d like to start publishing, one’s about some stray dogs in an old forest trying to survive and fend off another lone dog and his gang, another is about two angels on opposing sides of the brewing civil war in Heaven, pre-fall. Lmk if you’d like to see any of them, or maybe a story with my warrior cats ocs from when I was ten LMAO


End file.
